{"id":635,"date":"2016-09-21T16:49:20","date_gmt":"2016-09-21T16:49:20","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/new.eklutheran.ca\/?page_id=635"},"modified":"2020-03-26T11:27:08","modified_gmt":"2020-03-26T17:27:08","slug":"grief-course-1","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/eklutheran.ca\/?page_id=635","title":{"rendered":"Grief Course 1"},"content":{"rendered":"

“The Losses of Life”<\/strong><\/span><\/h3>\n

Welcome!\u00a0 \u00a0I hope you were able to pick up a copy of the book “Recovering from the Losses of Life” at a book store.\u00a0 You will need this book starting Session Two.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

Let us pray before we start:<\/span><\/strong>
\n Lord, I thank you for this opportunity to meet online.\u00a0\u00a0In Jesus\u2019 name I invite you to be with us now.\u00a0 I ask you to help us concentrate, and I ask you to open our eyes and hearts to enable us to see you.\u00a0 Amen.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cONE THING IN LIFE IS CERTAIN:\u00a0\u00a0 CHANGE!\u201d<\/span><\/strong>
\n _____________________________________________________________<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIF YOU\u2019RE IN A BAD SITUATION,<\/span><\/strong>
\n\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0DON\u2019T WORRY, IT\u2019LL CHANGE.<\/span><\/strong>
\n IF YOU\u2019RE IN A GOOD SITUATION,<\/span><\/strong>
\n\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0DON\u2019T WORRY, IT\u2019LL CHANGE.\u201d<\/span><\/strong>
\n ______________________________________________________________<\/span><\/strong>
\n \u201cFOR I AM THE LORD, I DO NOT CHANGE.\u201d<\/span><\/strong>
\n (Malachi 3:6)<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

That sums it up!<\/span><\/strong>
\n Our life on earth is full of losses and changes, just look at the weather and the seasons and time:<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

    \n
  • You lose the sunshine to gain the rain, you lose the rain to gain the sunshine.<\/span><\/strong><\/li>\n
  • Spring changes into summer which changes into fall which changes into winter.<\/span><\/strong><\/li>\n
  • Night follows day, day follows night, and with every passing minute you age, from<\/span><\/strong>
    \n birth to death.<\/span><\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

    Life is like that:\u00a0 It constantly changes, and it is often unpredictable.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

    You lose one thing to gain another – for better or for worse!<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

    Changes include loss, and loss is a major adjustment in life; one that we would rather avoid.\u00a0 And yet, it is inevitable.\u00a0 And since loss is both, inevitable and everywhere, the unchanging God comes in Jesus to offer solid hope and healing.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

    In Luke 4:18-19, when Jesus characterized His earthly ministry and discussed the types of people He came to serve, He said: \u201cThe Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to preach the good news to the poor; he has sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those that are bruised, to preach the acceptable year of the Lord.\u201d\u00a0 (Jesus quotes from Isaiah 61:1 ff)<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

    In your grief, you are poor and alone, brokenhearted, captive, blind and bruised.\u00a0 God accepts you as you are.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

    This\u00a0online course\u00a0will benefit people who have:<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

      \n
    • lost a loved one through death, divorce or a break up<\/span><\/strong><\/li>\n
    • lost their reputation or good name as a result of unfavorable publicity, slander, gossip, or criticism<\/span><\/strong><\/li>\n
    • are aging<\/span><\/strong><\/li>\n
    • are moving, face emigration, are refugees<\/span><\/strong><\/li>\n
    • loss of health due to illness, accident, lifestyle<\/span><\/strong><\/li>\n
    • lost possessions as a result of theft, fire, accident or bankruptcy<\/span><\/strong><\/li>\n
    • lost a dream, goal or an ability<\/span><\/strong><\/li>\n
    • lost a child or grandchild because of abortion, or suicide<\/span><\/strong><\/li>\n
    • lost a child because of miscarriage, stillbirth, or early infant death<\/span><\/strong><\/li>\n
    • lost custody of a child because of divorce or other circumstances<\/span><\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

      This\u00a0online course\u00a0is offered for two reasons:<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

        \n
      • Preventative:\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Some of you will take this course to prepare for the future<\/span><\/strong><\/li>\n
      • Reconstructive:\u00a0 Some of you take it to heal of the present and past.<\/span><\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

        There are many today who believe that the pathway of life ought to be smooth and fair.\u00a0 Many expect \u201csmooth and fair\u201d to be the norm.\u00a0 For many any upset, loss or crisis is something out of the ordinary.\u00a0 But, perhaps it is the other way around:\u00a0 the smooth, comfortable times of life are in reality a bit abnormal.\u00a0 Fortunately, the bible presents life as it really is, namely full of trials and difficulties.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

        Listen to this:<\/span><\/strong>
        \n \u201c… a wise man built his house on the rock.\u00a0 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall because it had its foundation on the rock… The foolish man built his house on sand.\u00a0 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.\u201d (Matthew 7:24-27)<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

        Life\u2019s storms will come, the waters will rise.\u00a0 No \u201cif\u2019s\u201d, only “when’s”!\u00a0 Whether we will stand or are swept away will largely depend on the spiritual risks we choose to take daily:<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

          \n
        • Spiritual indifference, or<\/span><\/strong><\/li>\n
        • Trust in God<\/span><\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

          Often the waves of life seem to sweep over us, we seem to drown.\u00a0 We feel alone.\u00a0 Thank God, the Christian faith is not based on feelings!<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

          Before we address “grief”, let’s define Loss, Crisis and Trauma:<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

          \"image003\"<\/p>\n

            \n
          • LOSS is defined as the failure to keep, preserve, or maintain. \u00a0<\/span><\/strong>
            \nIt produces an ache, an emptiness, a sadness.<\/span><\/strong><\/li>\n
          • CRISIS is defined as the turning point in a situation; a time of danger or anxiousness. \u00a0<\/span><\/strong>
            \nIt throws a person off balance and into a state of panic and defeat.\u00a0 It contains a loss.<\/span><\/strong><\/li>\n
          • TRAUMA is defined as the condition\u00a0produced by a physical or psychic wound or injury.<\/span><\/strong>
            \n Trauma is wounding.\u00a0 It\u2019s an event outside the range of normal human experiences which<\/span><\/strong>
            \n leaves one with the feeling \u201cI can\u2019t get over it.\u201d\u00a0 A major loss is part of this experience.<\/span><\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

            Each of these impacts our physical body as well as our emotions.<\/span><\/strong>
            \n Are you aware which organ of our body is affected the most?<\/span><\/strong>
            \n It is the brain.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

            The brain has 2 sides.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

            \"image005\"<\/p>\n

              \n
            • The left side of the brain is factual, logical, rational.<\/span><\/strong>
              \n It houses language skills, is linear, objective, stores practical information, remembers names.\u00a0\u00a0Metaphorically:\u00a0 a computer.<\/span><\/strong><\/li>\n
            • The right side of the brain is experiential, intuitive, nonverbal.<\/span><\/strong>
              \n It is focused on patterns, simultaneous, dreaming (brainstorming) spontaneous, subjective, implicit.\u00a0 It stores emotions (nostalgic), connotative, remembers faces.<\/span><\/strong>
              \n Metaphorically:\u00a0a Kaleidoscope.<\/span><\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

              It is the right side that is impacted by loss, crisis and trauma.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

              When\u00a0LOSS impacts the right side or\u00a0emotional part of your brain, you still function fairly well.<\/span><\/strong>
              \n Loss can\u00a0cause some impact on the left side.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

              When you experience a CRISIS, both sides of the brain are impaired and you don\u2019t function very well.\u00a0 In a crisis at first you are numb, disoriented, can\u2019t think clearly, your ability to process information is limited.\u00a0 Your emotions have been impacted and may be a bit deadened for 24 to 36 hours.<\/span><\/strong>
              \n But when the impact effect has diminished, you feel with an intensity that overwhelms you – anger, fear, sadness, rage, guilt, you question ‘why’, etc.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

              With a TRAUMA you are totally impacted.\u00a0 Trauma has the power to disrupt how you see life and can even alter your brain chemistry.\u00a0 There may be memory deficits and even damage to brain structure.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

              \"image007\"<\/p>\n

               <\/p>\n

              Loss, Crisis and Trauma\u00a0impact the brain from right to left.<\/span><\/strong>
              \n Recovery moves from left to right, making sense cognitively of what happened.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

              Allow me to touch briefly on the body\u2019s chemistry:<\/span><\/strong>
              \n Your \u201cautonomic nervous system\u201d handles vital functions like breathing, blood flow, pulse rate, digestion, and elimination.\u00a0 In a crisis or trauma situation it gets alerted and causes you to sweat or stop digesting your food, increasing your pulse rate and blood pressure, dilating the pupils of your eyes, and it signals the release of hormones like epinephrine (adrenaline).\u00a0 Epinephrine in turn aids or halts all those responses as well as triggers the release of sugar stored in the liver to provide an extra boost of energy in an emergency.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

              Research data indicates that people suffering from a crisis or trauma encounter chemical imbalances in their brain which causes brain cells to miscommunicate with one another.<\/span><\/strong>
              \n Scientists think that a deficiency in serotonin may cause the sleep problems, irritability and anxiety associated with depression;<\/span><\/strong>
              \n a deficiency in norepinephrine, which normally regulates alertness and arousal, may contribute to fatigue and depressed mood.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

              This class is going to deal with loss and grief.\u00a0 Here are the definitions of words that will be important for us in this course:<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

                \n
              • GRIEF\u00a0is defined as intense emotional suffering, caused by loss, disaster, misfortune, etc.: Acute sorrow, deep sadness.<\/span><\/strong><\/li>\n
              • TO MOURN is defined as to feel or express sorrow.<\/span><\/strong>
                \n Mourning is the expression of grief.\u00a0 The word is derived from a Gothic verb meaning \u201cto be anxious\u201d, and it comes ultimately from an Indo-European base meaning \u201cto remember, to think of\u201d.\u00a0 Mourning involves remembering and thinking of what is lost or of the deceased, and this makes you feel anxious or uncomfortable.<\/span><\/strong><\/li>\n
              • BEREAVE\u00a0means to leave in a sad or lonely state, as loss or death.<\/span><\/strong>
                \n In Old English, the word meant, to deprive or rob.<\/span><\/strong>
                \n One mother said after her daughter\u2019s death, \u201cI feel as if I was robbed of my most precious possession.\u201d\u00a0 The bereaved are survivors of a recently deceased person and are those in mourning.<\/span><\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

                The author of the book “I Can\u2019t Get Over It”, Calvin Miller, described the difficulties of loss and grief:<\/span><\/strong>
                \n \u201cGrieving and coping with losses are among the most difficult aspects of human existence.\u00a0 Emotionally, grieving is such a challenge that most people tend to avoid it at all costs.\u00a0 Many get angry at a time of loss.\u00a0 How much easier it is to be angry than sad!\u00a0 When you are angry you surge with adrenaline.\u00a0<\/span><\/strong>You feel so powerful and strong, you are certain all you have to do is vent your rage and you can finally get what you want.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

                But,\u201d Miller continues, \u201cwhen you are grieving, you feel like a collapsed balloon.\u00a0 The pain of loss engulfs you and you feel vulnerable, defenseless, and weak.\u00a0 And you hurt.\u00a0 You hurt so much you feel like you are dying inside.\u201d<\/span><\/strong>
                \nThere are variations in the area of loss because what we value varies from person to person.\u00a0 Loss does reflect values.<\/span><\/strong>
                \nThe way in which we grieve varies between cultures as does the value of mourning.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n