{"id":646,"date":"2016-09-21T17:08:52","date_gmt":"2016-09-21T17:08:52","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/new.eklutheran.ca\/?page_id=646"},"modified":"2020-03-26T11:45:03","modified_gmt":"2020-03-26T17:45:03","slug":"grief-course-4","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/eklutheran.ca\/?page_id=646","title":{"rendered":"Grief Course 4"},"content":{"rendered":"<p style=\"text-align: justify;\"><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong><u>&#8220;THE MEANING OF GRIEF&#8221;<\/u><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Welcome\u00a0to session 4.\u00a0\u00a0If you wish,\u00a0get yourselves a\u00a0coffee or tea before you start reading.\u00a0 <\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Open with prayer:<\/strong><strong><br \/>\n\u201cLord, again we ask you to spend this\u00a0computer session with us. You understand grief and sorrow.\u00a0 Let us\u00a0understand\u00a0your willingness to walk with us, sit with us, listen to us us and to show us your way in day-to-day living.\u00a0 Amen.\u201d<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>In our last session we looked at our deep desire to be in control of our lives, and how LOSS causes us to rethink our love-relationship with a myth.\u00a0 As Christians we realize that God gave us responsibility, accountability and choice (Genesis \u201cCreation story\u201d), but not control.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>As we deal with LOSS, we deal with fear.\u00a0 Did you know that the most frequent command in the Bible is \u201cFear not \u201d? It appears 365 times, as if to tell us \u201cfear not\u201d for every day of every year of our lives.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Leo Tolstoy ends his short story &#8216;Three Questions&#8217; by saying, \u201cRemember there is only one time that is important: NOW.\u00a0 It is the most important time because it is the only time when we have any power.\u201d<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Philip Yancey writes in his book &#8216;Reaching for the Invisible God&#8217;,\u00a0\u201cThe past is unchangeable, the future unpredictable, I can only live in the present.\u201d<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\">In <a href=\"https:\/\/www.biblegateway.com\/passage\/?search=Matt.%206;&amp;version=31;\"><strong>Matthew 6<\/strong><\/a><strong> we find the &#8216;Lord\u2019s Prayer&#8217;.\u00a0 Verse 11 says, \u2018Give us today our daily bread.\u2019 Not the leftover of yesterday\u2019s bread or tomorrow\u2019s bread but only today\u2019s bread.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Recovery groups, such as AA, live by the slogan \u201cOne day at a time\u201d.\u00a0 <\/strong><strong><br \/>\nAA\u2019s founder, Bill Wilson,\u00a0wrote, &#8216;The most important hurdle for an addicted person is to acknowledge that he or she is not God.&#8217;<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>We must quit playing God.\u00a0 (\u2026 pretending\/playing to be \u2018in control\u2019.)<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Next we must by faith allow God himself to &#8216;play God&#8217; in our lives, which involves daily, even moment-to-moment surrender.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>This AA principle certainly applies for our LOSS &#8211; GRIEF situation.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>GRIEF:<\/strong><\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"> <strong>When you enter into grief, you enter into the \u201cvalley of the shadow of death\u201d (<\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.biblegateway.com\/passage\/?search=Psalm%2023;&amp;version=31;\"><strong>Psalm 23:4<\/strong><\/a><strong>).\u00a0 There is nothing heroic or noble about grief.\u00a0 It is painful. It is work.\u00a0 It is a\u00a0lingering process.\u00a0 Grief has been labeled everything from intense mental anguish to acute sorrow to deep remorse.\u00a0 There is a multitude of emotions in the grief process &#8211; out of control and often in conflict with each other:\u00a0 Bitterness, emptiness, thankfulness, apathy, restlessness, love, anger, happiness, guilt, sadness, self-pity, fear, helplessness.\u00a0 <\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>A young wife said when she found out that the baby they had been planning to adopt was going to be kept by the mother, \u201cI feel as though something has been ripped right out of the inside of me.\u00a0 It hurts so bad.\u00a0 I feel hollow inside.\u201d\u00a0 THAT IS GRIEF.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>A divorced father said, \u201cFor the past 13 years, when my son has come home for the weekend and I have to take him back to his mother, I hurt all over again.\u00a0 The pain comes back with all its intensity.\u00a0 It still cuts like a knife.\u201d\u00a0 THAT IS GRIEF.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Please, complete each sentence with the first thought that comes to mind.\u00a0 Perhaps you can discuss this with a trusted friend?<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<ol>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>To me grief means . ..<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>The most difficult part of grieving is . . .<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>The most intense grief I&#8217;ve ever experienced is. . .<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>When I experience grief I feel . . .<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>The hardest emotion of grief is . . .<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>What I&#8217;ve never fully grieved over is . . .<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>The first grief I ever experienced was. . .<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>What helps me the most when I am grieving is . . .<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Grief . . .<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Grief means a number of changes.\u00a0 <\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Grief appears differently at different times and it flits in and out of your life.\u00a0 <\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>If is a natural, predictable and expected reaction.\u00a0 Grief is not an abnormal response.\u00a0 In fact, the absence of grief is abnormal.\u00a0 <\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Grief is your own personal experience.\u00a0 Your loss does not have to be accepted or validated by others for you to experience or express grief.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Here are some\u00a0Biblical Insights for Understanding Grief.\u00a0 You might find them helpful.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>(Matthew 26:36-38)\u00a0 Then Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to them, \u201cSit here while I go over there and pray.\u201d\u00a0 He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled.\u00a0 Then he said to them, \u201cMy soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death.\u00a0 Stay here and keep watch with me.\u201d Jesus grieved.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>God grieves<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>The Father grieves over evil in Noah&#8217;s day (Genesis 6:6)<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>The Son grieves over the death of Lazarus (John 11:35-38)<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>The Spirit grieves over believers&#8217; sin (Ephesians 4:30)<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>God responds to our grief<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Recording our tears (Psalm 56:8)<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Sympathizing with our weakness (Hebrews 4:15-16)<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Eventually ending our griefs (Isaiah 65:19; Revelation 21:4)<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Grief measures the meaning of our attachments<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Our attachment to friends (John 11:36)<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Our attachment to family (Genesis 50:1)<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Grief potentially interrupts life&#8217;s routines<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Leaving mourners with little appetite (2 Samuel 12:17)<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Causing mourners to wish for death (2 Samuel 18:33)<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Multiplying mourner&#8217;s illness and death (1 Samuel 4:18-22)<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Grief potentially persists over an extended period of time<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>For\u00a0\u00a07 days (Genesis 50:10)<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>For 30 days (Numbers 20:29)<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>For 70 days (Genesis 50:3)<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Grief is potentially expressed in a variety of ways<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Before a loss (<\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.biblegateway.com\/passage\/?search=Matthew%2026:37-38;&amp;version=31;\"><strong>Matthew 26:37-38<\/strong><\/a><strong>)<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>By shock, numbness, or denial (<\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.biblegateway.com\/passage\/?search=Mark%208:31-32;&amp;version=31;\"><strong>Mark 8:31-32<\/strong><\/a><strong>)<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>In anger (<\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.biblegateway.com\/passage\/?search=Job%2010:9;&amp;version=31;\"><strong>Job 10:9<\/strong><\/a><strong>)<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Through bargaining (<\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.biblegateway.com\/passage\/?search=Isaiah%2038:1-22;&amp;version=31;\"><strong>Isaiah 38:1-22<\/strong><\/a><strong>)<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>With depression (<\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.biblegateway.com\/passage\/?search=2%20Samuel%2012:16-18;&amp;version=31;\"><strong>2 Samuel 12:16-18<\/strong><\/a><strong>)<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>With acceptance (<\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.biblegateway.com\/passage\/?search=Phil.%201:12,%2021-24;&amp;version=31;\"><strong>Phil. 1:12, 21-24<\/strong><\/a><strong>; <\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.biblegateway.com\/passage\/?search=Phil.%204:11-13;&amp;version=31;\"><strong>4:11-13<\/strong><\/a><strong>)<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Grief is potentially facilitated by various expressions<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Through songs (<\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.biblegateway.com\/passage\/?search=2%20Samuel%201:17-27;&amp;version=31;\"><strong>2 Samuel 1:17-27<\/strong><\/a><strong>)<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Through poetry (<\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.biblegateway.com\/passage\/?search=Lamentations%201%20-%205;&amp;version=31;\"><strong>Lamentations 1 &#8211; 5<\/strong><\/a><strong>)<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><strong><br \/>\nWHY GRIEF?\u00a0 Why do we have to go through this experience?<br \/>\nThe emotion \u201cgrief\u201d, like the emotion \u201cjoy\u201d for example, is an avenue of expression.<br \/>\nGrief-responses express basically 3 things:<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<ol>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Through grief you express your feelings about your loss, just as for example through joy you express your feelings about some pleasure.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Through grief you express your protest at the loss as well as your\u00a0desire to change what happened and have it not be true.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Through grief you express the effects you have experienced from the devastating impact of the loss.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>What is the PURPOSE OF GRIEF?\u00a0 <\/strong><strong><br \/>\nIf you view grief as an avenue, then the purpose of grief is to take you from \u2018A to B\u2019.<br \/>\nGrief takes you\u00a0from\u00a0(A)\u00a0\u2018feeling reactions&#8217; to (B) &#8216;facing your loss&#8217; and working on adapting to it.<br \/>\nDr. Gerald May, M.D. said, \u201cGrief is neither a problem to be solved nor a problem to be overcome.\u00a0 It is a sacred\u00a0expression of love.\u201d<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>There are certain facts to remember about grief:<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>The way out of grief is through it.\u00a0 <\/strong><strong><br \/>\nPsalm 23:4 \u2013 I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, . . .<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>The worst kind of grief for you\u00a0is your grief.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Grief is hard work, it can be exhausting.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Effective grief work is not done alone.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>The purpose of grief is to bring you to the point of making necessary changes so you can <\/strong><strong><br \/>\nlive with the loss in a healthy way.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>At a time of loss, you begin with the question, \u201cWhy?\u00a0 Why did this happen to me?\u201d\u00a0 And eventually you will move to, \u201cHow can I learn to live through this experience and with this experience?\u201d<\/strong><strong><br \/>\nWhen the HOW-questions\u00a0replace the WHY-questions, you have started to live with the reality of the loss.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>&#8216;WHY?&#8217; questions reflect a search for meaning and purpose in loss.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>&#8216;HOW?&#8217; questions reflect your searching\u00a0for ways to adjust to loss.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong><u>What do you have to do to get from &#8216;WHY?&#8217; to &#8216;HOW?&#8217;<\/u><\/strong><strong>\u00a0 <\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>There are four steps that can be followed for most types of losses:<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<ol>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>You need to <u>acknowledge the loss<\/u>, you need\u00a0to change your relationship with whatever you lost. <\/strong><strong><br \/>\nIf the loss was the death of a person, you eventually need to come to the realization that the person is in fact dead.<br \/>\nIn marriage, you are no longer married to this person.\u00a0 (\u201c. . . until death does us part.\u201d)<br \/>\nRecognize the changes, develop new ways of relating to the deceased person.\u00a0 Learn to exist <em>without<\/em> the person the way you once learned to exist <em>with<\/em> the person.<br \/>\nIf you had a severe illness or accident, realize that your physical condition is now different.<br \/>\nIf you had to move to a new town, realize you are in a new community.<br \/>\nRecognize the changes.<br \/>\nDevelop new ways of relating to the lost person, lost health, lost stage in your life.\u00a0 If possible talk to a trusted friend about how to accomplish this.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong><u>Develop<\/u><\/strong><strong> your own self and life <u>to encompass and reflect the changes<\/u> that occurred because of your\u00a0loss.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Perhaps talk to a trusted person about how to accomplish this.<\/strong><strong><br \/>\nThis will vary depending upon whether the loss involved a job, an opportunity, a relationship, or the loss of a parent or sibling or spouse. Write notes.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong><u>Discover<\/u><\/strong><strong> and take on <u>new ways of existing<\/u> and functioning without whatever it was that you lost.\u00a0 Talk to a variety of persons about this.\u00a0 Write down worthwhile answers.<\/strong><strong><br \/>\n<u>Choose to want to learn<\/u> to exist without the person, without certain body parts, or without your former home and employment, like you once learned to exist with the person or with your former home and with your job.\u00a0 Memories will remain with you.<br \/>\nThis involves <u>accepting a new identity<\/u>, but without totally forgetting.\u00a0 <\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong><u>Choose to re-direct your emotional investments<\/u><\/strong><strong> that you once had in the lost object, lost dream, or person.\u00a0 &#8216;Fish&#8217; for ideas by talking to different people about this.\u00a0 Brainstorm and write down ideas. \u00a0 Choose to \u2018bloom where you are planted\u2019 as best you can.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>These steps may sound simple, but they are not.\u00a0 All of grief involves work, effort and pain, and much time.\u00a0 Often one-day-at-a-time.\u00a0 Philip Yancey in \u201cReaching for the Invisible God\u201d writes of a woman who was left paralyzed by an accident.\u00a0 She could not bear to face living a whole life with this loss of agility, but she could face one day at a time.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Use your imagination.\u00a0 Picture Garfield, the beloved fat cartoon cat.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-full wp-image-859\" src=\"https:\/\/eklutheran.ca\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/image022.png\" alt=\"image022\" width=\"82\" height=\"122\" \/><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Garfield, surrounded by mice, is asked by his disgruntled owner,\u00a0<img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-full wp-image-860\" src=\"https:\/\/eklutheran.ca\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/image023.jpg\" alt=\"image023\" width=\"127\" height=\"56\" \/><\/strong><\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"> <strong> &#8216;Garfield, what are you going to do about\u00a0these mice?&#8217;\u00a0 &#8211;<br \/>\n&#8216;Get them name tags?&#8217; Garfield smiles.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>And, Garfield is right.\u00a0 Name the mice that invaded your life, so-to-speak.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-861 aligncenter\" src=\"https:\/\/eklutheran.ca\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/image024.jpg\" alt=\"image024\" width=\"768\" height=\"272\" srcset=\"https:\/\/eklutheran.ca\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/image024.jpg 768w, https:\/\/eklutheran.ca\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/image024-300x106.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 768px) 100vw, 768px\" \/><\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Name and face your problem(s)<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Name and face your loss(es)<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Name and face your feelings<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Talk about them by name<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Acknowledging and understanding\u00a0any loss is essential to starting the grieving process.\u00a0 Depending on the severity, some losses will soon be just a faint memory.\u00a0 Others, such as the death of a child or spouse, may never be completely settled.\u00a0 But this step does mean integrating the loss into your life.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>You must overcome your shock and denial and face the painful reality of what has occurred.<\/strong><\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"> <strong> It means saying, \u201cYes, unfortunately this did happen.\u201d<\/strong><\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"> <strong> Facing your loss means:<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>You don\u2019t attempt to postpone the emotional pain.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>You don\u2019t deny that it actually happened.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>You don\u2019t\u00a0minimise\u00a0your loss.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>However, a normal protective response is to admit that you would like to run away from it all!<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>A common myth regarding grieving is that\u00a0we should bury our feelings.\u00a0 \u00a0Expressions like the following ones are damaging and ignorant: <\/strong><strong><br \/>\n\u201cDon\u2019t cry.\u201d<br \/>\n\u201cDon\u2019t feel bad.\u00a0 After all he\/she is with the Lord now.\u201d Or \u201cHe\/she is in a better place.\u201d<br \/>\n\u201cYou will be ok, you can handle it.\u201d<br \/>\nPeople who say such things are either anxious themselves when a loss occurs or have never learned what to say.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong><u>To assist the process of facing your pain:<\/u><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Make a list of the effects of your loss.\u00a0 Like dropping a rock into a pool of water, a loss causes wide circles in your life.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Feel and <\/strong><em><strong>record <\/strong><\/em><strong>ALL of your emotions, negative and positive.\u00a0One author suggests, &#8220;Grieving means allowing yourself to feel your feelings, think your thoughts, lament your loss and protest your pain.&#8221;\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Tell others about your loss as soon as possible.\u00a0 Call\u00a0the loss\u00a0by its name.\u00a0 You may want to keep track of whom you told, the date and their response.\u00a0 Some have found it helpful to tell at least one or two people each day during the first week of their loss.<\/strong><strong><br \/>\nThis is intense emotional suffering.\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-full wp-image-859\" src=\"https:\/\/eklutheran.ca\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/image022.png\" alt=\"image022\" width=\"82\" height=\"122\" \/>To sum it up one more time:<\/strong><strong><br \/>\nName and face your problem(s).<br \/>\nName and face your loss(s).<br \/>\nName and face your feelings.<br \/>\nTalk about them by name.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong><br \/>\n<\/strong><strong>Depending on the severity of your loss, your first reaction can go from feeling slightly down to incapacitating numbness.\u00a0 After a while, other feelings will surge up like seasons in a year:\u00a0 There is a season of\u00a0anger, denial, fear, anxiety, rage, depression and many other emotions, eventually calm and hope.\u00a0 And you will cry!\u00a0 Tears are healthy, they are words without sound.<\/strong><strong><br \/>\n<\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.biblegateway.com\/passage\/?search=Genesis%2042%20-%2050;&amp;version=31;\"><strong>Genesis 42 &#8211; 50<\/strong><\/a><strong> tells of Joseph\u2019s reunion with his family in Egypt. Joseph wept and wept, his emotions are recorded 7 times.\u00a0 (Read Scripture)<\/strong><strong><br \/>\nEmotions don\u2019t follow each other in a progressive way either.\u00a0 They overlap and are jumbled together.\u00a0 When you think you are over one, it comes back.\u00a0 Finally you smile, but the tears return.<br \/>\nYou laugh, but a cloud of depression drifts in again.\u00a0 Gradually, ever so gradually, the storm quiets.<br \/>\nYet months and years later an isolated wave of grief washes against the shore of one&#8217;s soul.<br \/>\nThis is normal.\u00a0 This is healing.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>When a birth happens, when a marriage takes place, we celebrate with much joy although we experience losses at the same time.\u00a0 But death is seen as a closed door to the existence of human joy.<br \/>\nPlease note, life is a mixture, see<\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.biblegateway.com\/passage\/?search=Ecclesiastes%203:1-8;&amp;version=31;\"><strong> Ecclesiastes 3:1-8<\/strong><\/a><strong>:<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>\u201cThere is a time for everything,<\/strong><\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"> <strong> and a season for every activity under heaven:<\/strong><\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"> <strong> a time to be born and a time to die,<\/strong><\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"> <strong> a time to plant and a time to uproot, . . .<\/strong><\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"> <strong> a time to weep and a time to laugh,<\/strong><\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"> <strong> a time to mourn and a time to dance, . . .<\/strong><\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"> <strong> a time to be silent and a time to speak,<\/strong><\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"> <strong> a time to love and a time to hate,<\/strong><\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"> <strong> a time for war and a time for peace.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Death is a part of life, not the end of life.\u00a0 Or as St. Francis puts it, <\/strong><strong><br \/>\n\u201c. . . and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.\u201d<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Pain comes in waves, initially the waves are intense and frequent, eventually the waves slow down.<\/strong><\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"> <strong> Most people don\u2019t realize the pattern of peaks and valleys of grief.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>See chart below:\u00a0\u201cPhases of Bereavement\u201d<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>\u00a0<img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-864 aligncenter\" src=\"https:\/\/eklutheran.ca\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/image027.jpg\" alt=\"image027\" width=\"412\" height=\"505\" srcset=\"https:\/\/eklutheran.ca\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/image027.jpg 412w, https:\/\/eklutheran.ca\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/image027-245x300.jpg 245w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 412px) 100vw, 412px\" \/><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong><u>Care, concern, comfort help, empathy =\u00a0Support!<\/u><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>For the first 1 &#8211;\u00a07 weeks you might experience plenty of support.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>But, as the months go by,\u00a0support begins to dwindle to zero.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\">Pain and grief actually intensify at 3 months and then gradually subside but not in a steady fashion.\u00a0 They go up and down.\u00a0 Most people don&#8217;t need a reminder of the first year anniversary of the loss of a loved one.\u00a0 The\u00a0grief comes rushing in with an intense pain that rivals your initial feelings of loss.\u00a0 Notice how the amount of support diminishes just at a time when it is needed the most.\u00a0 If anyone attempts to tell you that you should be &#8220;over it by now&#8221; or &#8220;feeling better&#8221; &#8211; it shows that they lack understanding of the process of grief.\u00a0 Perhaps they have not been thru it themselves.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>It is all right to let others know what you need and don\u2019t need at this time in your life.\u00a0\u00a0 You may have to educate them about grief.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>In order\u00a0to resolve your loss, perhaps tell others:<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>they\u00a0don\u2019t have to avoid bringing up your loss.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>they\u00a0are welcome to call you and ask you how you are.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>they\u00a0need to\u00a0realize\u00a0that when you are crying you don\u2019t need to be\u00a0fixed because there is nothing wrong with you!<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Brainstorm: <\/strong><strong><br \/>\n\u201cWhat do you think people who are grieving do to postpone or block their grief?\u201d<br \/>\n(Keeping busy?\u00a0 What else?)<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>FIVE WAYS WE ATTEMPT TO\u00a0NEGATE OUR\u00a0LOSS:<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong><u>1) Denial<\/u><\/strong> <strong>(\u201cDon\u2019t Even kNow I Am Lying\u201d)<\/strong><strong><br \/>\nDenial is our first\u00a0defence.<br \/>\nDenial\u00a0is used to block out the unthinkable: Rejection, abandonment, loss of love or even a death.<br \/>\nIt\u2019s the expression, \u201cIt can\u2019t be true.\u201d<br \/>\nIn many dysfunctional families this is a way of life.<br \/>\nQuestion: Can you think of a time when denial was used in your life?\u00a0 If <em>&#8216;yes<\/em>&#8216;, write it down.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>The following is not in your book &#8220;Recovering from the Losses of Life&#8221;, so please take notes:<\/strong><\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"> <strong> To help you face your grief, make up 4 flash cards, <u>deal with one of them each day<\/u>.<\/strong><\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"> <strong> On the back of each card, outline what you think that statement means <u>now\/today<\/u> for your grief experience.\u00a0 Share your insights with different people if you can.<\/strong><\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"> <strong> Repeat this exercise after some time.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Card 1)\u00a0\u00a0 I believe my grief has a purpose and an end. (<\/strong><em><strong>Grief is an avenue<\/strong><\/em><strong>.)<\/strong><strong><br \/>\nCard 2)\u00a0\u00a0 I will be responsible for my own grief process. (<em>From why to how<\/em>)<br \/>\nCard 3)\u00a0\u00a0 I will not be afraid to ask for help. (<em>Listen to me<\/em>!)<br \/>\nCard 4)\u00a0\u00a0 I will not try to rush my recovery. (<em>Peaks + valleys of grief<\/em>.)<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong><u>2) Rationalization<\/u><u><br \/>\n<\/u>This is our second defense against loss. \u201cIt really did not hurt THAT bad.\u201d &#8211; \u201cThere are better men out there.\u00a0 After all, I only went out with him for two years.\u201d &#8211; \u201cThat job wasn\u2019t the best anyway.\u201d &#8211; \u201cWho needs a BMW?\u201d &#8211; \u201cOur neighborhood was changing anyway.\u201d &#8211; \u201cWell, she lived a good long life and now she won\u2019t have to suffer anymore.\u201d<\/strong><\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"> <strong> We want to lessen the impact of pain.\u00a0 If you live in rationalization too long, you begin to believe it.\u00a0 You &#8216;protect&#8217; yourself from healing!<\/strong><\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"> <strong> Question: Can you think of a time when this was used in your life?<\/strong><\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"> <u><br \/>\n<strong>3) Idealization<\/strong><br \/>\n<\/u><strong>This distorts reality by idealizing what we lost.\u00a0 Any negative characteristics or aspects are overlooked, whether it is the loss of a job, death of a family member, or an unwanted divorce.<\/strong><\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"> <strong> Question: Can you think of a time when this was used in your life?<\/strong><\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"> <strong> <u><br \/>\n4) Re-action Formation<br \/>\n<\/u>Do or believe the opposite.<\/strong><\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"> <strong> When there is a loss, the person tends to run from her\/his pain by overemphasizing the opposite of the pain.\u00a0 \u201cJust look at the bright side of this terrible situation!\u201d &#8211; \u201cAt least you found this out before the wedding!\u201d &#8211; \u201cAt least he did not kill anybody.\u201d<\/strong><\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"> <strong> Question: Can you think of a time when this was used in your life?<\/strong><\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"> <strong> <u><br \/>\n5) Regression:<\/u><\/strong><\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"> <strong> Preferring to stay in or even going back to a miserable situation rather than enduring the pain of <em>perceived<\/em> loss.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Often this pattern is seen in the use of alcohol and drug abuse because both of these tend to make reality blurred and deaden pain.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Young children use this defense by going back to diaper stage and thumb sucking when life gets tough.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Battered wife syndrome!<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Question: Can you think of a time when this was used in your life?\u00a0 <\/strong><strong>Don&#8217;t forget to start a grief diary and record your findings, especially if you have nobody to talk to.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>You need to confront your loss experience and your grief and eventually you WILL recover.\u00a0 And tears are a healthy expression for any loss.\u00a0 Max Lucado puts it this way,<\/strong><\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"> <strong> \u201cTears.\u00a0 Those tiny drops of humanity.\u00a0 They tumble down our faces with announcements that range from the most blissful joy to deepest despair.\u00a0 The principle is simple; when words are most empty, tears are most apt.\u201d<\/strong><\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"> <strong> Everybody cries.\u00a0 Some cry outwardly.\u00a0\u00a0 Others are only able to cry within themselves.<\/strong><\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"> <strong> Tears are words without sound.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong><u>\u00a0<\/u><\/strong><strong><u>Summary of appropriate Expectations YOU can have for YOURSELF in\u00a0 grief<\/u><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>You can expect:<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Your grief will take longer than most people think.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Your grief will take more energy than you would have ever imagined.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Your grief will involve many changes and be continually developing.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Your grief will show itself in all spheres of your life.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Your grief will depend upon how you perceive the loss.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>You will grieve for many things both symbolic and tangible, not just the death alone.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>You will grieve for what you have lost already and for what you have lost for the future.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Your grief will entail mourning not only for the actual person you lost but also for all the hopes, dreams, and unfulfilled expectations you held for and with that person, and for the needs that will go unmet because of the death.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Your grief will involve a wide variety of feelings and reactions, not solely those that are generally thought of as grief, such as depression and sadness.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Your loss will resurrect old issues, feelings and unresolved conflicts from the past.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>You may have a combination of anger and depression, irritability, frustration, annoyance or intolerance.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>You will feel some anger and guilt, or at least some manifestation of these emotions.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>You may experience grief spasms, acute upsurges of grief that occur suddenly with no warning.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>You will have trouble thinking (memory, organization and intellectual processing) and making decisions.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>You may feel like you are going crazy.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>You may be obsessed with the death and preoccupied with the deceased.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>You may find yourself acting socially in ways that are different from before.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>You may find yourself having a number of physical reactions.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Others will have unrealistic expectations about your mourning and may respond inappropriately to you.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>In summary, your grief will bring with it, depending upon the combinations of factors above, an intense amount of emotions that will surprise you and those around you.\u00a0 Most of us are unprepared for the global response we have to a major loss.\u00a0 Our expectations tend to be too unrealistic, and more often than not we receive insufficient assistance from friends and society.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>This concludes Session 4.\u00a0 Please, read chapter 3 in your book &#8220;Recovering from the Losses of Life&#8221;.\u00a0 <\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Let&#8217;s close with prayer:<br \/>\nPsalm 57:1<br \/>\n&#8220;Have mercy on me, o God, have mercy on me, for in you my soul takes refuge.\u00a0 I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings until the disaster has passed.&#8221; &#8211;\u00a0 Amen<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>\u00a0<a class=\"maxbutton-3 maxbutton maxbutton-session-3\" href=\"https:\/\/eklutheran.ca\/?page_id=643\"><span class='mb-text'>Session 3<\/span><\/a> \u00a0<a class=\"maxbutton-5 maxbutton maxbutton-session-5\" href=\"https:\/\/eklutheran.ca\/?page_id=649\"><span class='mb-text'>Session 5<\/span><\/a><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&#8220;THE MEANING OF GRIEF&#8221; Welcome\u00a0to session 4.\u00a0\u00a0If you wish,\u00a0get yourselves a\u00a0coffee or tea before you start reading.\u00a0 Open with prayer: \u201cLord, again we ask you to spend this\u00a0computer session with us. You understand grief and sorrow.\u00a0 Let us\u00a0understand\u00a0your willingness to walk with us, sit with us, listen to us us and to show us your &#8230; <span class=\"more\"><a class=\"more-link\" href=\"https:\/\/eklutheran.ca\/?page_id=646\">[Read more&#8230;]<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"page-full-width.php","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["entry","page","publish","author-eklpadmin","post-646"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/eklutheran.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/646","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/eklutheran.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/eklutheran.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/eklutheran.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/eklutheran.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=646"}],"version-history":[{"count":21,"href":"https:\/\/eklutheran.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/646\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2980,"href":"https:\/\/eklutheran.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/646\/revisions\/2980"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/eklutheran.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=646"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}