{"id":663,"date":"2016-09-21T17:17:29","date_gmt":"2016-09-21T17:17:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/new.eklutheran.ca\/?page_id=663"},"modified":"2020-03-26T12:33:06","modified_gmt":"2020-03-26T18:33:06","slug":"grief-course-8","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/eklutheran.ca\/?page_id=663","title":{"rendered":"Grief Course 8"},"content":{"rendered":"<h3><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>&#8220;SAYING GOOD-BYE&#8221;<\/strong><\/span><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Welcome &#x1f60a; <\/strong><strong>to a lesson on &#8220;saying good-bye&#8221;!\u00a0 Please, get comfortable.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Let\u2019s start with prayer:<\/strong><strong><br \/>\nHeavenly Father, you taught us that man does not live by bread alone but by every word that proceeds from your mouth.\u00a0 Your word, Father, is food for our soul.\u00a0 Come, Lord Jesus, be our guest and let these gifts to us be blest.\u00a0 Amen<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Question: \u201cWhat are some unique and creative ways we say good-bye to one another when we move away, leave a job or club or church, go on vacation or on a mission trip?\u201d<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Retirement parties are normal occurrences.\u00a0 Often we have fun, and the retiree is honored and recognized for all the years of service.\u00a0 This get-together is also an opportunity for good-byes to be shared.\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>But good-byes happen also without parties:<\/strong><\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"> <strong> When a friend leaves or relatives go home or a good worker retires, there is sadness in our good-byes.\u00a0 Every loss in life needs the recognition that the connection is broken and life will be different.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>In death, the funeral service is recognition of the person leaving and provides an opportunity for the mourners to say good-bye.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Sometimes mourners feel a lingering sadness because to their taste, others failed to say \u201cgood-bye\u201d in a proper way.\u00a0 Perhaps to their taste:<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Not enough friends responded with written condolence cards.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Friends and acquaintances are unwilling to talk about the loss.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>The marker on the grave site was either delayed for weeks, or did not meet expectations.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>The person conducting the service failed to make the service meaningful for the mourners because of a lack of information.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>In other situations similar problems can occur delaying completion of a person\u2019s grief:<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>A lack of recognition or even ignoring the person retiring or leaving work or a club or a church.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>A pet that ran away or was stolen.\u00a0 There is no closure, no good-bye.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Others down-playing the significance of your loss, possibly meaning to be helpful (\u201cLook at the bright side . . .\u201d, \u201cIt wasn\u2019t THAT bad.\u201d).\u00a0 We do this especially with kids.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Being able to say good-bye helps us move toward a sense of closure and brings back some feeling of control over our life.\u00a0 <\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>When you say good-bye, you are acknowledging that you are no longer going to share your life with whatever you lost, whether it be a job, a place, a person, a dream or even a part of your body.\u00a0 You will always have the memory but now you acknowledge that you will live without whatever it was you lost.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>But, what helps one person through grief may not be meaningful to others.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Some parents who experience miscarriage simply move on with their life and have no real need for good-bye.\u00a0 Others have a memorial service.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Women who had an abortion years ago often have a memorial service as recognition of the death of a child, later.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>A woman with an inoperable, malignant brain tumor stood in front of her bathroom mirror and held and caressed her long hair and said good-bye to it.\u00a0 Later, when she underwent radiation therapy, it was easier for her to accept the loss of all her hair because she had held a private, brief good-bye ceremony.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Another woman in a similar situation cut off her long hair herself before treatment started.\u00a0 It gave her a measure of control.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>There are those who have driven back to the location of a former place of employment, stood in front of the building and said good-bye.\u00a0 Sometimes because they felt sentimental over positive memories, other times out of anger.\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>\u00a0\u201cI Need Help\u201d<img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-942\" src=\"https:\/\/eklutheran.ca\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/image051-1.jpg\" alt=\"image051\" width=\"646\" height=\"226\" srcset=\"https:\/\/eklutheran.ca\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/image051-1.jpg 586w, https:\/\/eklutheran.ca\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/image051-1-300x105.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 646px) 100vw, 646px\" \/> <\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Please, write on a piece of paper to whom or to what have you already\u00a0said good-bye to in your life?\u00a0 And, is there something or someone you need to say good-bye to in your life? \u00a0<\/strong><\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Take your time.\u00a0 <\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>One of the better ways of saying good-bye to many kinds of losses is in writing.\u00a0 And you might be surprised at the different kinds of letters that have been written.\u00a0 A letter is a good way to express intense feelings of loss.\u00a0 It may be an angry letter, or one full of joy, or full of sadness.\u00a0 <\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>One person wrote to a friend who was about to die of cancer, expressing his great appreciation for his friend.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Another sent a good-bye letter to her elementary school teacher who she had hoped would teach her own children but who was now retiring.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>One former addict wrote a farewell letter to his drugs telling them good-bye and describing what problem they had been for him.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>A woman wrote a good-bye letter to one of her breasts after a mastectomy.\u00a0 This kind of loss is often very traumatic for a woman, especially a young woman, and is usually accompanied by an extended time of depression and mourning.\u00a0 <\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Over years, numerous people have written letters to a deceased friend, spouse, child, parent, brother or sister or any other significant person.\u00a0 It helps to bring home the reality that the person is gone.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Saying good-bye is not morbid or a sign of hysteria or being out of control.\u00a0 It is a healthy way to make the transition into the next phase of life.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><strong><br \/>\nHow do you go about saying good-bye?\u00a0 (Chapter 6 in your book, page 95 bottom)<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>1)\u00a0\u00a0First of all you take time.\u00a0 Identify what you think needs to be expressed in your good-bye.<\/strong><\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"> <strong> What are the actual words you want to say?<\/strong><\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"> <strong> What words would express your appreciation, your regrets, or complete something that was never finished between the two of you?<\/strong><\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"> <strong> 2)\u00a0 Then, in privacy, write a good-bye letter or talk out loud to the person or to whatever you\u2019ve lost.\u00a0 If your letter is to a loved one who has died, use the name you used most of the time in your life with this person.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>One divorcee actually wrote a letter to her marriage and addressed it as though the loss were a real person.<\/strong><strong><br \/>\nYou can address a good-bye letter to a lost dream, to a lost hope, to a business venture, or even to a change in your vocational life.\u00a0 Indicate that it is a good-bye letter and then share what you want to say.<br \/>\nThe more regrets and \u2018if only\u2019s you have, the more important your letter can be since this is your opportunity to express what was never verbalized.<br \/>\nLet your letter rest for a day and then read it again, to yourself or aloud or to someone you trust.\u00a0 In the book, \u2018Recovering From the Losses of Life\u2019, you have some touching sample letters, in chapter 6.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\">Question<strong>: <u>Have you written a letter like this?<\/u>\u00a0 If so, what happened when you did? Think of someone or some situation to whom you need to write a good-bye letter.\u00a0 <\/strong><strong><br \/>\nWrite it down.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>1)\u00a0 In writing a good-bye letter it is vital to be completely truthful.<\/strong><strong><br \/>\nRemember that your point and intention of this exercise is to complete your emotional relationship with whatever or whomever you lost.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>2)\u00a0 But the timing is very important.\u00a0 It should not be done prematurely.\u00a0 If there are still resentments (anger)\u00a0existing between you and whoever the person is who left your life, they need to be identified and relinquished.<\/strong><strong> Identify incomplete business between you and the person.\u00a0 This could involve:<br \/>\n<\/strong><strong>a)\u00a0 <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\">Making amends<\/span><\/strong><strong><br \/>\n<\/strong><strong>b)\u00a0 <span style=\"color: #008000;\">Offering forgiveness<\/span><\/strong><strong><br \/>\n<\/strong><strong>c)\u00a0 <span style=\"color: #993300;\">Expressing significant emotional statements<\/span><\/strong><span style=\"color: #993300;\"><strong> (I miss you, I love you)<\/strong><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong><u>a)\u00a0 <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\">Making amends<\/span><\/u><\/strong><strong> is not only saying you\u2019re sorry but changing your responses. You can be sorry for something you did or for something you wished you had done or said.\u00a0 If you can think of any right now, write them down.<\/strong><strong><br \/>\n*One man wrote, \u201cI wished I had been less negative and critical and more verbally appreciative.\u00a0 Now I\u2019m making sure that I give 2 or 3 affirmations or compliments for every criticism or concern I express.\u201d<br \/>\n*One woman wrote, \u201cI wish I had told you more often how special you were to me.\u00a0 At least I\u2019ve started doing this more with other people.\u201d<br \/>\n<\/strong><strong><u>b)\u00a0 <span style=\"color: #008000;\">Forgiveness<\/span><\/u><\/strong><strong><u>.<\/u><\/strong><strong> The second step is identifying those areas where forgiveness was needed.\u00a0 Can you think of any, even at this time?\u00a0 If so, write them down.<\/strong><strong><strong><br \/>\nIt\u2019s important to identify the reasons for not forgiving someone for some incident.<\/strong><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\">One way to do this is by identifying in writing the objections to forgiving the person:<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<ol>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Take a piece of paper and write the person\u2019s name on the top.\u00a0 <\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Below the name write a salutation as in a letter, Dear &#8230;..<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Make 2 columns. <\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>In the left column, under the salutation write, \u201cI forgive you for &#8230;\u201d, then complete the sentence by writing down everything that has bothered you over the years.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Then try to capture your immediate thought that comes to mind after writing the statement of forgiveness.\u00a0 Often it is a rebuttal or objection to forgiving that person, like \u201cYa\u2019 right!\u00a0 Not so quickly!\u00a0 I remember &#8230;\u201d\u00a0Write this down in your right column opposite to your \u201cI forgive you\u201d statement.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>\u00a0<img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-889\" src=\"https:\/\/eklutheran.ca\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/image052.jpg\" alt=\"image052\" width=\"605\" height=\"862\" srcset=\"https:\/\/eklutheran.ca\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/image052.jpg 640w, https:\/\/eklutheran.ca\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/image052-211x300.jpg 211w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 605px) 100vw, 605px\" \/> <\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<ol start=\"6\">\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Continue to do this.\u00a0 Keep repeating the process until you have drained all your pockets\u00a0 of resistance and resentment.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>When you come to the place that you can write \u201cI forgive you for . . .\u201d several times with no objections or rebuttals, then forgiveness is occurring.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0You can find this\u00a0in your book, chapter 10, pages 172 \u2013 174<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>A different style to forgive might be this meditation by Richard Rohr who is a Franciscan monk.<br \/>\n(Perhaps visit \u2018Center for Action and Contemplation\u2019<\/strong> <a href=\"https:\/\/cac.org\/\">https:\/\/cac.org\/<\/a> <strong>) This is not in your book.<br \/>\nHe writes<\/strong><strong>: <\/strong> <strong><strong>Forgiveness is an act of letting go. When we forgive we do not forget the harm someone caused or say that it does not matter. But we release bitterness and hatred, freeing ourselves to move on and make choices grounded in our strength rather than victimization. Forgiveness opens our closed hearts to give and receive love fully.<\/strong><\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 30px;\"><strong><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\">Jack Kornfield offers a wonderful meditative practice of forgiveness:<\/span><\/strong><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"> <strong>[Sit] comfortably.<\/strong><\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"> <strong> Allow your eyes to close and your breath to be natural and easy. Let your body and mind relax. Breathing gently into the area of your heart, let yourself feel all the barriers you have erected and the emotions that you have carried because you have not forgiven\u2014not forgiven yourself, not forgiven others . . . .<\/strong><\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"> <strong> Let yourself feel the pain of keeping your heart closed.<\/strong><\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"> <strong> Then, breathing softly, begin asking and extending forgiveness, reciting the following words, letting the images and feelings that come up grow deeper as you repeat them.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 30px;\"><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong><em>Asking Forgiveness of Others<\/em><\/strong><\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"> <strong> Recite: &#8220;There are many ways that I have hurt and harmed others, have betrayed or abandoned them, caused them suffering, knowingly or unknowingly, out of my pain, fear, anger, and confusion.&#8221; Let yourself remember and visualize the ways you have hurt others. See and feel the pain you have caused out of your own fear and confusion. Feel your own sorrow and regret. Sense that finally you can release this burden and ask for forgiveness. Picture each memory that still burdens your heart. And then to each person in your mind repeat: &#8220;I ask for your forgiveness, I ask for your forgiveness.&#8221;<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 30px;\"><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong><em>Offering Forgiveness to Yourself<\/em><\/strong><\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"> <strong>Recite: &#8220;There are many ways that I have hurt and harmed myself. I have betrayed or abandoned myself many times through thought, word, or deed, knowingly and unknowingly.&#8221; Feel your own precious body and life. Let yourself see the ways you have hurt or harmed yourself. Picture them, remember them. Feel the sorrow you have carried from this and sense that you can release these burdens. Extend forgiveness for each of them, one by one. Repeat to yourself: &#8220;For the ways I have hurt myself through action or inaction, out of fear, pain, and confusion, I now extend a full and heartfelt forgiveness. I forgive myself, I forgive myself.&#8221;<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 30px;\"><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong><em>Offering Forgiveness to Those Who Have Hurt or Harmed You<\/em><\/strong><\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"> <strong> Recite: &#8220;There are many ways that I have been harmed by others, abused or abandoned, knowingly or unknowingly, in thought, word, or deed.&#8221; Let yourself picture and remember these many ways. Feel the sorrow you have carried from this past and sense that you can release this burden of pain by extending forgiveness whenever your heart is ready. Now say to yourself: &#8220;I now remember the many ways others have hurt or harmed me, wounded me, out of fear, pain, confusion, and anger. I have carried this pain in my heart too long. To the extent that I am ready, I offer them forgiveness. To those who have caused me harm, I offer my forgiveness, I forgive you.&#8221;<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 30px;\"><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Let yourself gently repeat these three directions for forgiveness until you feel a release in your heart. For some great pains you may not feel a release but only the burden and the anguish or anger you have held. Touch this softly. Be forgiving of yourself for not being ready to let go and move on. Forgiveness cannot be forced; it cannot be artificial. Simply continue the practice and let the words and images work gradually in their own way. In time you can make the forgiveness meditation a regular part of your life, letting go of the past and opening your heart to each new moment with a wise loving-kindness.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 30px;\"><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong><u>c)\u00a0 The last section involves <span style=\"color: #993300;\">significant emotional statements<\/span><\/u><\/strong><strong> that usually involve things you wish you could have said.\u00a0 It\u2019s as though you want one last \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0conversation with the person.\u00a0 <\/strong><strong><br \/>\nStatements could include:<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 30px;\"><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>I appreciate . . .<br \/>\nI was so proud of . . .<br \/>\nIt meant so much to me . . .<br \/>\nThank you for . . .<br \/>\nYou were so special at . . .<br \/>\nCan you think of any at this time?\u00a0 Write them down if you do. Give yourself some time to do this. <\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>3.)\u00a0 Now you are ready to write your letter.\u00a0 It is best to write it alone, with no disruptions.\u00a0 Some persons complete it in one complete session.\u00a0 Others stretch it out in a series of letters over months as the example in the book, in chapter #6.\u00a0 And you may feel pain and you may cry.\u00a0 That is normal.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>4.\/5.)\u00a0 Write the letter as though the person were still living and could hear you reading the letter to them.\u00a0 Be as thorough as possible.\u00a0 Some people try to imagine what the person might say in response to you.\u00a0 You will know that you are finished writing when you can say, \u201cI love you\u201d, and feel there is nothing more to say.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>6.)\u00a0 If possible read and share your letter with another significant person in your life who will listen and not interrupt in any way.\u00a0 Then read your letter and as you do, let yourself experience the emotions that arise.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>7.)\u00a0 At the conclusion of your letter say Good-bye.\u00a0 <\/strong><strong><br \/>\nThis involves every aspect of the relationship:<br \/>\nGood-bye to<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>any emotional incompleteness, <\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>any pain, <\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>any lack of forgiveness, <\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>the physical relationship<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>every part of the relationship\u00a0 <\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>There are other ways to express goodbye.\u00a0 Here are a few examples:<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>You can send a contribution to a church or charity in the name of the person as an acknowledgment.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>You can set up a living and lasting memorial through a scholarship.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>You can set up a living and lasting memorial by planting a flower garden or a tree.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>You could donate a painting and \/or have a plaque made.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>When a person dies, then for us this is a matter of having to say good-bye, but for them it is at the same time a matter of being able to say &#8220;Hello&#8221; to their Lord.\u00a0 This is why our feelings can sometimes be a mixture &#8211; we are saddened for our loss but there is also a sense of joy for what the deceased person is now experiencing.\u00a0 <\/strong><strong><br \/>\nWe have a void in our lives but the deceased person\u2019s life is now full and complete.\u00a0 Death is a transition, a tunnel leading from this world into the next, a door into another room.\u00a0 There are many ways that this transition can be described. <\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>As we grieve, the reality of our loss often overshadows the reality of where our loved one is.\u00a0 The emotions sweep over us like a flood drowning out the knowledge which in the future will become clearer and will become a source of strength for us.\u00a0 Along the way we need reminders of the meaning of death from the biblical perspective.\u00a0 <\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>In Max Lucado\u2019s inspirational book \u2018The Applause of Heaven\u2019, he concludes with a chapter on going home.\u00a0 He describes his conclusion to a long trip and finally arriving home at the airport.\u00a0 His wife and 3 daughters are excited that he\u2019s home.\u00a0 That&#8217;s like arriving in heaven.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>In Revelation 21:1-5, we have the Apostle John\u2019s description of what our home-going will be like: \u201cThen I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea.\u00a0 I saw the holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband.\u00a0 And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, \u2018Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them.\u00a0 They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God.\u00a0 He will wipe every tear from their eyes.\u00a0 There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.\u201d<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>John says that someday God will wipe away your tears.<\/strong><\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"> <strong> The same hands that stretched the heavens will touch your cheeks.<\/strong><\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"> <strong> The same hands that formed the mountains will caress your face.<\/strong><\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"> <strong> The same hand that curled in agony as the Roman spike cut through will someday cup your face and brush away your tears forever.<\/strong><\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"> <strong> When you think of a world where there will be no reason to cry, ever, doesn\u2019t it make you want to go home?<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>\u201cThere will be no more death . . .\u201d John declares.\u00a0 Can you imagine it?\u00a0 A world without morgues or cemeteries or tombstones?\u00a0 Can you imagine a world with no spades of dirt thrown on caskets?\u00a0 No names chiseled into marble?\u00a0 No black dresses?\u00a0 No black wreathes?\u00a0 <\/strong><strong><br \/>\nIn the next world, John says, \u2018good-bye\u2019 will never be spoken.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Every person on earth is appointed at some time to die.\u00a0 We fear it, we resist it, we try to postpone it.\u00a0 But we cannot keep our loved ones from dying.\u00a0 We cannot keep ourselves from dying.\u00a0 But, we can choose to see \u201cdying\u201d from God\u2019s perspective.\u00a0 <\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Max Lucado concludes his book \u2018The Applause of Heaven\u2019, with what home-going means in a new perspective:<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>&#8220;Before you know it, your appointed arrival time will come; you\u2019ll descend the ramp and enter the City.\u00a0 You\u2019ll see faces that are waiting for you.\u00a0 You\u2019ll hear your name spoken by those you love.\u00a0 And, maybe, just maybe -in the back, behind the crowds &#8211; the One who would rather die than live without you will remove his pierced hands from his heavenly robe and . . . applaud.\u201d<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Yes, if you have a loved one who died, then he or she is saying hello.\u00a0 <\/strong><strong><br \/>\nYou have said good-bye to them &#8211; for now.\u00a0 And for now and for here on earth, you will soon say hello to a new day, to a future, to a life without them.\u00a0 But, only for now!<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Let us pray together:\u00a0 Dear Lord Jesus, for Your silent sacrifice You have my adoration.\u00a0 When I am fighting against being upset and frustrated, resentful and holding grudges, angry and short-tempered, sulking and withdrawn, keep me ever mindful of your love which endured the cross and rose to new LIFE.\u00a0 Amen.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: tahoma, arial, helvetica, sans-serif;\"><strong>Please, read chapter 6 in your book &#8220;Recovering from the Losses of Life&#8221; before you continue the next session.\u00a0 May you be blessed as you work thru this session!<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><a class=\"maxbutton-7 maxbutton maxbutton-session-7\" href=\"https:\/\/eklutheran.ca\/?page_id=658\"><span class='mb-text'>Session 7<\/span><\/a> \u00a0<a class=\"maxbutton-9 maxbutton maxbutton-session-9\" href=\"https:\/\/eklutheran.ca\/?page_id=666\"><span class='mb-text'>Session 9<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<p><!-- SUBCONTENT GOES HERE --> <!-- SUBCONTENT ENDS HERE --><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&#8220;SAYING GOOD-BYE&#8221; Welcome &#x1f60a; to a lesson on &#8220;saying good-bye&#8221;!\u00a0 Please, get comfortable. Let\u2019s start with prayer: Heavenly Father, you taught us that man does not live by bread alone but by every word that proceeds from your mouth.\u00a0 Your word, Father, is food for our soul.\u00a0 Come, Lord Jesus, be our guest and let &#8230; <span class=\"more\"><a class=\"more-link\" href=\"https:\/\/eklutheran.ca\/?page_id=663\">[Read more&#8230;]<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"page-full-width.php","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["entry","page","publish","author-eklpadmin","post-663"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/eklutheran.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/663","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/eklutheran.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/eklutheran.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/eklutheran.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/eklutheran.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=663"}],"version-history":[{"count":17,"href":"https:\/\/eklutheran.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/663\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2984,"href":"https:\/\/eklutheran.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/663\/revisions\/2984"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/eklutheran.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=663"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}